Date: 10-Aug-2025

How the Stories We Tell Ourselves Shape Our Lives and How to Rewrite Them

Some of my biggest decisions have resulted from how I perceived my surroundings. For example, I’ve always been average in academics.  I never stood out and didn’t fit in. I struggled to keep up. My mind lagged while the rest of the class moved on without me. People around me were convinced that I was designed not to be successful. But over the years, I proved them wrong. And that only happened because I believed that I could. I changed the way I thought about myself and stopped focusing on limitations.

But that’s not the story I want to share here, you’ll find that in the book. What I want to talk about now is how our narrative identity impacts our life. What is that? Read on to find out!

Have you ever seen how our self-imposed beliefs hinder us, chaining us down? For example, even before we act, a voice at the back of our head gnaws at us to stop, warning that we might fail and paints a bleak future that we start to believe could become reality.

My book Chasing the Wrong Things, Chapter 6 covers just that through my friend’s story. My friend was a great storyteller, even going as far as to narrating the Transformers (yes, the sci-fi hit movie) as a romantic one. But we believed him. He was that good.  But he wasn’t just telling stories to entertain others, he was telling them to himself.

Back then, I didn’t understand why my trust in him was unshakable. But now that I’ve significantly experienced “a lot”, I know it’s because of his belief. Since he believed in his stories so firmly, he made the others around too. His narrative identity let him cut loose the chains of his limitations.

Our Narrative Identity is More than Self-Limiting Thoughts

Our story is the most powerful force that shapes our life. It influences how we think, feel, and take decisions. If I were to explain in simpler terms, then, our story would be a compilation of our beliefs, or more like a believe system. A believe system that defines our capabilities and limitations. Often, it erects boundaries, and hinders us from pushing them and falsely interprets the world around us. Often, for our benefit.

But where does this believe system come from?

From pain. 

Martin Seligman’s, a psychologist, experiment on “learned helplessness proves this. When humans are subjected to extremes, with no way to avoid it, they stop trying to altogether. Because they accept that they’re powerless. Instead, they settle for the version of life their fear allows, forging the false narratives that keep them confined.

A false narrative can cause:

• Misunderstandings and conflict: Since we misinterpret our experiences, we misunderstand them. For example, when our friend is quiet, we convince ourselves that they’re either disinterested or hostile and react defensively.

• Self-limiting beliefs: Just as Martin Seligman explained, the false narratives hold us back. This is because we interpret past failures as evidence and impose that to avoid risks or from pursuing opportunities.

• Emotional distress: When we cling to a false narrative, it adds unnecessary emotional distress. Since we constantly highlight everything in a negative light, we feel anxious.

We all have moments where our emotions get the best of us. We decide things based on old, emotional patterns, even when we think we’re acting rationally. But, if you think about it, wouldn’t you want to use your emotions to solidify your story rather than shatter it? Strong emotions add meaning to our story and meaningful story equals our life.

Stanford researchers found that on Tony Robbins’ (author, entrepreneur and motivational speaker) Date with Destiny, participants had a 50% increase in their positive emotions and a 70% decrease in negative emotions when they were made to reinterpret their stories. This was especially true for clinically depressed participants  where 100% were in remission for a month after the event.

We can’t change our story, but we can definitely choose how it shapes us. And when you choose a narrative of possibility over one of limitation, your life changes in ways you never imagined.

As Tony Robbins says, “The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.”

So, ask yourself: What’s the story you’ll choose to tell from this day forward? And more importantly, will it be one worth living?

If this resonated with you, I invite you to dive deeper into these ideas in Chapter 6 of my book, Chasing the Wrong Things. You’ll find powerful tools, real stories, and actionable steps to help you rewrite your own narrative.

And I’d love to hear from you: what’s one story you’ve been telling yourself that you’re ready to change? Share your thoughts in the reviews.

Your next chapter starts here.

Date: 31-July-2025

Chasing the Wrong Things: Embracing My Story

Why I Was Reluctant to Share, and Why I am Writing Anyway

Once upon a time four simple, powerful words that have shaped humanity since the dawn of storytelling. From our earliest days, we have warned each other of danger, taught each other right from wrong, and inspired one another to dream, all through the stories we share.

But if I'm honest, I never thought my story was worth telling.

For a long time, I hesitated to write about my life not because nothing happened, but because I believed my experiences weren’t significant or interesting enough. In a world where our social media feeds show nothing but the carefully curated highlights, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that only extraordinary achievements or dramatic adventures are worth sharing. We become curators of our own digital museums, archiving only triumphs and hiding away the full story especially the messy, complicated, or disappointing parts.

I looked at my life and saw a series of highs and lows, and I wondered: does anyone really want to hear about this?

Looking back, I see now how vital these stories truly are. The latest science tells us that when we listen to a story, our bodies produce oxytocin, a hormone that helps us form connections. Stories are how we bind ourselves to one another and make sense of our experiences. When I finally opened up, I realized that my struggles, doubts, and setbacks were not only worth mentioning they were essential to understanding who I am and why I should be modest.

At times in life, we may experience significant achievements and recognition. However, these high points are often accompanied by equally substantial challenges periods of dedicated effort to establish one’s place, feelings of being misunderstood, and a sense of isolation from praises.

What I’ve learned is that the lows are as important as the highs. They shape us, teach us resilience, and add depth to our journey. Most of us are tempted to dismiss these parts of our lives as irrelevant or embarrassing. Yet these stories invite real connection, not just with others, but also with ourselves.

This is why I decided to write “Chasing the Wrong Things.” Initially, I was reluctant because I felt my experiences weren’t worth mentioning. But, after reflecting on the full picture the adventures, the mistakes, the setbacks, and the victories, I understood that it’s the sum of all these moments, not just the highlights, that make a life.

So, as you read these pages, I invite you to think about your own story. Don’t be afraid to embrace every chapter the roller-coaster ones, but also the messy, uncertain, or quiet ones. Because every story, including yours and mine, is worth sharing.